But perhaps that phase of constant Tom Petty listening is why his voice keeps ringing in my head this week, with those wise lyrics: “The waaaiting is the hardest part.”

Yep, our due date has come and gone.  Again.  I personally know 9 people who have had babies in the last 2 weeks, 12 since the first of December.  From what I can tell, only 2 of those babies were late, and one of those only missed its due date by 24 hours, so that hardly counts.  But here we are, still hanging out, still pregnant, wasting maternity leave with no baby to hold… even though the midwife said “could be any day now” and “I think this baby will come early and fast” over a month ago (sending me into an anxious tizzy, since that was BEFORE all the Christmas-related church services).

It seems that the babies we Schindlers make are quite content to stay snuggled in their mommy’s womb for longer than 40 weeks.  Perhaps it’s because they’re smarter than the average bear, knowing that what awaits them is a traumatic entry into a loud, cold, blindingly-bright environment where they will have to share what has been undivided attention with so many others, learning to eat and breathe and sleep and move on their own.  Or maybe my womb is just especially comfortable.  Or perhaps I have some subconscious thing going on wherein I want to hold on to the little one as long as possible (surely not – I keep telling him every day to come on out…).  Whatever the case, we’ll keep waiting, hoping to kiss those squishy fat cheeks soon enough.

When I was pregnant with Caroline, I took weekly belly photos and posted them on facebook.  I kept a journal of my weight gain, food cravings, general demeanor, fears/anxieties, and other milestones.  I spent a GREAT deal of time thinking about being pregnant.  Many of my friends, who have blogs during pregnancy, also do this during their first pregnancy.  They even share each week whether or not they’ve gotten any stretch marks and what they have received at their baby showers.

That’s a first pregnancy for ‘ya.  You know why I didn’t do any of those things this time around?  Because I have a 2-year-old and a congregation to look after in addition to being a wife and a housekeeper and all the other things I’m supposed to be.  But the big difference is that 2-year-old.  Who has time to take belly photos?  And when on earth would I take them?  At 9:00 p.m. after rocking my sweet girl after her 700th trip out of bed, when the bags under my eyes are growing darker by the second and the only thing I want to do in the world is put my feet up on the couch?  No, thanks.  I can do without the weekly updates, and apparently all of my family and friends can, too.  [Plus, let's be honest: some of that stuff that people share is none of your darn business, if you ask me...]

But in addition to having a small, fantastic, high-maintenance additional family member this time around, this pregnancy has just been totally different than the first one.  With C, I was sick for almost five months.  Like I eventually got a prescription for nausea so I might be able to eat something.  Like I had to lie down on the floor in my office sometimes in the middle of the day. Super-sick.  And then, when I could bear the thought of eating food, even though I ate pretty healthy meals and stayed active, working out with a trainer 3 days a week, I gained 60 pounds.

That is totally unfathomable to me right now, having gained less than half that amount and feeling gargantuan just the same.  How could I have been TWICE this big last time??  No wonder people on the street stopped and argued with me about how many babies I was carrying.  This time has been quite easier: very little nausea, very little joint pain, very little sleeplessness (perhaps because I’m exhausted by my 2-year-old and my job?), and no swelling.  Even this morning, at my 39-week appointment, my blood pressure was 100/42.  With Caroline, I couldn’t wear my wedding ring for the last couple of months.  No problem getting it on and off right now.

Another added dimension to Pregnancy #2 is sharing it with our toddler.  Caroline will tell you there’s a baby in HER round little belly, a little brother.  And we talk about her brother a lot.  I don’t think she quite grasps what’s about to happen, or how her life will change, but it’s been so fun sharing all this with her and imagining her as a fantastic big sister.  And, of course, she loves giving the baby high fives and fist bumps (which is basically slapping and punching my belly, but she means well).

There’s also just a beautiful peace about Baby #2.  We know what we need in terms of “stuff” and preparation, and we know all the things we don’t need or can decide about later.  There’s way less pressure to visit Babies R Us every five minutes and load up our cart with everything on their suggested registry list.  I have a good idea of what’s ahead in terms of birth and being the mom of a newborn, and am not afraid of it (even though labor and delivery will hopefully be a different and more positive experience than the first time, with no medical induction).

And I feel MUCH more patient about this baby.  Do I want him to come soon?  Absolutely.  Am I eager to kiss his squishy fat cheeks in person and not just in my dreams?  Very much so.  Do I want him to be born before he reaches toddler size?  Yep, I do.  But I’m also realizing what a gift these days are with my little girl (even when she’s being difficult) and my husband, when most of my church work is wrapped up and I actually CAN put my feet up on the couch.  I remember being almost angry with Caroline when her due date passed.  With this baby, I am much more relaxed, waking every morning and saying, “What do you think, little guy, maybe today?” and every night, “Alright, buddy – maybe tomorrow!”

So there ‘ya go.  Two VERY different pregnancy experiences.  Both beautiful, both miraculous, both utter gift.  One chronicled in detail over 9 months, one summarized on a Thursday afternoon.  For both, I am grateful.

Just a little comparison...

My Favorite

We raised the little basketball goal to try to encourage her to actually toss the ball toward the goal instead of always dunking it.  Instead, she went and found a stool on which to stand.  Not bad…

Cookie Monster at 5 months old

…and her second:

Little Giraffe at 17 months

and her third:

Bumblebee - almost 2.5

Toddler-sized wings

Sweetly offering to share from her very first (ever) bag of M&Ms

After about 30 tries, this was the best photo we could get of the two of us... she's quite a mobile bumblebee...

As soon as she put on her “bumblebee dress,” as she called it, Caroline asked me to put some music on so she could dance.  We had to convince her to leave our living room dance party to go get candy!  She seemed to get the concept of trick-or-treating quite better this year than last, but she’s still no expert.  Her natural shyness definitely got in the way of her desire to get people to put candy in her little pumpkin bag.  She would run toward the houses with all the other kids, but when she got close to the front door, she’d remember that a stranger might be inside, and retreat to Mom or Dad’s arms (so we didn’t trick-or-treat for long):

Safe with Daddy

Her favorite parts of the night were trick-or-treating at her babysitter Ashley’s house, visiting our neighbors Rick and Heidi, and trick-or-treating at our own house, where Grammy opened the door!

Coincidentally, last weekend, when Caroline went to the pumpkin patch with Grammy and Granddaddy, she got stung by a yellow jacket right on her collarbone.  It was a traumatic experience (perhaps for Grammy and Granddaddy more than Caroline), but she has recovered beautifully and still wanted to be a bumblebee for Halloween (whew!).  The funny thing was that whenever we asked her what a bumblebee says, she would buzz around in the air and then sting someone right on the collarbone.  Evidence below:

Almost every morning, Caroline gets to watch a few minutes of Sesame Street while she eats her cereal bar and I get our stuff ready for work/school.  There are thankfully several full seasons of episodes available on Netflix streaming, so she gets to see Big Bird just about every day.  Except Saturdays.  On Saturday mornings, Caroline’s Mama likes to watch College GameDay on ESPN.  It’s only for a few months a year that I get to see college football, and I am not too interested in watching old reruns of Sesame Street when there are predictions to be made, mascot heads to be worn, flags to be flown, and college football in general to be celebrated.  Sometimes, a simple explanation is all it takes:

C: “I want to watch Big Bird (and eat a cereal bar and drink chocolate milk).”

E: “But it’s Saturday, Sweetpea – on Saturdays, we watch football.”

C: “Oh, okay.”

Other days, it doesn’t go so smoothly.  That’s when you will see this at our house:

GameDay on ESPN, Sesame Street on Netflix streaming

Toddler-sized headphones complete the ensemble

It’s what I like to call “the best of both worlds.”

As she’s become more verbal, she’s been able to communicate this more and more clearly.  Just the other evening on the way home from school, I asked Caroline what she’d like for dinner.  She responded very matter-of-factly, “I don’t yike (like) dinner.”  While recognizing the truth in her statement, I thought I’d press a little further: “What is it about dinner you don’t like, Sweetpea?”  Her response (in her sweet toddler voice): “I don’t want to talk about it, Mama.  I just don’t yike dinner.”

Not sure how I can argue with that.

When we got home, she quickly got her baby doll and strapped her in the high chair, declaring, “Baby can eat dinner.”

Can’t blame a kid for trying…

Baby ready for dinner

We decided that, since we were flying all the way across the country (seriously, I think we could get to Japan faster than we could get to Charleston), we’d get a condo near the beach on the Isle of Palms and make a week out of it.  It. was. great.  Charlestonians kept apologizing to us about the weather, but I’m still confused why.  It did rain DURING THE NIGHT the first two nights we were there, but we didn’t get one drop of rain on us during the day.  Daytime highs were around 80 degrees every single day, with sunny blue skies and a nice breeze.  Perfection.  Our little condo was great, and had great proximity to pool, beach, and the local playground, which was a big hit with our little girl once she decided it was okay to walk on the sand.

It was also great to get back to the south, to hear phrases like, “It was pouring down rain.”  Nobody says that here.  Also, when we went out to dinner, I ordered an iced tea, and the waiter asked, “Sweet or unsweet?”  I wanted to kiss him, but refrained.  And, of course, the wedding was beautiful and perfect and it was such a gift to see one of my favorite people so very happy.  Here are a few shots from our trip:

Where else would you sit (recline) while waiting on your airplane?

First day on the beach. She wasn't sure about the sand getting her feet dirty, and wanted nothing to do with the water. But she LOVED chasing the little birds. :)

On the beach with Daddy

The Aquarium! Don't we look fierce?

"Hello, Mr. Fish."

Steering the ship

I had to take the next one for old time’s sake.  First, check out this photo from a trip to Charleston in 2007:

Charleston trip, 2007

And now my little girl in 2011:

Following in Mommy's footsteps :)

Apparently Charleston really loves those frogs.

On the playground

Happy girl on the slide

At the pool. Can you even stand it?

Unfortunately, by the time we got to the actual wedding, the camera batteries were dying, which means we took a LOT of out-of-focus shots of our gorgeous friend (the bride) and our little girl.  Elizabeth was so sweet to dance with our little princess, and Caroline felt like a princess herself!  She did NOT want to leave the wedding.  Music, dancing, and cupcakes all in one place?  What more could a girl want?

With the Bride

So hopefully someone else got a good shot or two of our little girl!  We do have a video of them twirling, but it’s sideways and I haven’t figured out how to turn it right-side-up yet…

While we were in Charleston, we also got to see our good friends Stephanie and Matt, who recently relocated there from Seattle!  Stephanie was Caroline’s nanny for her first year, and we miss them so much.  They also got a new puppy while we were there, and were nice enough to let Caroline come over and “help” with the puppy one afternoon while Mommy and Daddy got a break.  There are cute photos on Stephanie’s blog here.

More to come!

What Not to Do

Here are some thoughts to consider for any of you who, when you encounter a pregnant woman, feel the urge to comment on her belly and/or clothes.  First, ask yourself this question: “What sentiment am I trying to convey with this comment?”  If your answer is, “I’m not sure.” or “Nothing, really,” then you’re probably better off refraining from making the comment you had the urge to make.  If, however, you have a legitimate answer to that first question, such as, “I am so excited that this incredible woman is bringing a child into the world, and every time I see her getting visibly closer to her due date, it gives me great joy,” then ask yourself a second question: “Is the comment I am tempted to make the best way to convey that totally legitimate sentiment?”

Here are some examples:

1.  Your urge is to say: “Woah, look at that – you’re wearing maternity clothes now!“
My urge to respond is: “Would you rather I just drape a bolt of cloth around myself?  Most pregnant women wear maternity clothes.  Normal clothes don’t have room for an extra person inside the top.” [Duh.]
Perhaps what you could have said: “You look beautiful!” or “I love your top!”
My response then: “Thanks so much!”

2.  Your urge is to say: “Don’t you just love being pregnant?“
My urge to respond is: “Guess I don’t have much choice at this point, do I?”
Perhaps what you could have said: “I so enjoyed my journey with pregnancy – I hope you are feeling well and able to enjoy this stage, as well.”
My response then: “Thanks so much!  It is an incredible privilege to take part in this miracle.”

3.  Your urge is to say: “Wow, your belly is really getting big.“
My urge to respond is: “Yes, that is a natural and healthy progression with pregnant women.  What’s your excuse?”
Perhaps what you could have said: “I’m so excited to see that the arrival of your little one is getting closer!”
My response then: “Thanks so much!  I’m excited to share that joy with you.”

4.  Your urge is to say (pointing, gesturing, or just really obviously staring at my belly): “Woah, look at that!“
My urge to respond is: “What?  So I’ve put on a few pounds.  Sue me.”
Perhaps what you could have said: “Are you pregnant?  What a wonderful gift!  Is there anything I can do to support you during this stage?”
My response then: “Yep!  Due in January.  We’re doing great, thanks.”

5.  (Last one): Your urge is to say: “Oh my gosh, I totally HATED being pregnant.  I puked the whole time.”
My urge to respond is: “Wow, that’s really encouraging. Thanks.”
Perhaps what you could have said: “I hope you’re feeling well – I know every pregnancy is different and some can be quite difficult.”
My response then: “Thanks so much!  I’m grateful for every day that I continue to feel just fine.”

I’m sure you get the picture by now.  I hope this has been a helpful little lesson!

In the car:
Me: Who did you play with at school today, Caroline?
C:    I play with Joshua!
Me: Oh, I saw Joshua getting in his car with his mommy when I came to pick you up.  Baby Asher was with them.
C:    I have baby brother, too.
Me: [Thinking: She's getting it! Hooray!] Yes!  You’re going to have a baby brother.
C:    I want to have baby sister, too.
Me: Uh, well, sweetie, we’re just going to focus on your brother for now, okay?

After school one day:
Me: What did Ms. Becca (teacher) tell you at school today, SweetPea?
C:    Teacher stuff, mama.

Getting ready for bed:
Me: You sure have big feet, Caroline.
C:    Ha ha, I have big belly, too.